Afraid Your Children Will Become Entitled?
I was at an event to speak on issues of entitlement for wealth inheritors.
Over lunch I was introduced to a man in the group who, upon learning that I was the keynote speaker, moved forward in his conversation before I had finished saying my name. At one point during the meal he interrupted me and said, “you are paid to say that,” and continued the conversation as though I was invisible (I was volunteering my time).
During my talk that evening I shared my personal journey as a woman of wealth. Afterwards, the man’s attitude and behavior toward me transformed. Suddenly I was a peer as opposed to a service provider, which meant I deserved his time, attention, and etiquette.
He was a good example of what he feared his children would become.
As parents, our behavior is the best predictor of how our children will turn out.
HERE ARE SOME OF THE SECRETS TO LEADING YOUR CHILDREN WELL, AND ALLEVIATING YOUR FEAR OF ENTITLEMENT:
1. TAKE A GOOD HARD LOOK AT HOW YOU TREAT OTHERS.
When out to dinner with a friend, do you treat him or her differently than the person serving your meal? Do you expect your financial advisor to leave their children’s sporting event to take your call? Be honest with yourself: does your behavior in any way imply that paying someone negates their humanity?
2. MAKE THE QUESTION ABOUT YOU.
You cannot control your children’s behavior. You can control yours. The question of entitlement is about you and it goes like this:
“What can I do to model the behaviors I want to see?”
“What do I need to change in myself in order to be a better leader for my children?”
3. FOCUS ON WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE, NOT WHAT YOU WANT TO AVOID.
The word “entitlement,” is tricky and ultimately not very useful. Focus on the behaviors and qualities you hope to see in your children. This gives you more direction and motivation to take specific actions in your life. The question further transforms into something more like this:
“What can I do to model responsibility, integrity, respect, and gratitude?”
If you need support putting this statement into action, I am here for you.
I AM THANKFUL EVERY DAY FOR THE MODELS I HAVE IN MY LIFE AND I SUPPORT MY CLIENTS TO EXPERIENCE SIMILAR OUTCOMES.
The former governor of Minnesota, Arne Carlson wrote this about my grandfather after he passed, “[he] was more than a story of success. He was the person we all wanted to be. He radiated warmth, acceptance, intelligence, modesty and he treated all people in the same engaging way whether it be the waitress, the cab driver, or a fellow CEO. Everyone was important.”
I can only hope that the man from the event will become curious about his own entitlement-based behaviors and realize his capacity to choose something different. He has everything he needs inside of him to lead his children toward a responsible, value-aligned way of living filled with gratitude for their privilege.
